january 2025

1-20-25

listening: fukouna girl - stomach book
feeling: like i don't wanna do my actual work lol

hiiii. i wanna talk about小红书 here but i think if i have enough to say it would be better suited to be a blog entry. i traveled to china once when i was little and this app is just reminding me of all the stuff i miss from there lol.

in other news, i've narrowed my college choices down to two options. the reason i haven't picked yet is because one of these colleges has the best campus and dorms ever, and the other has the acutal majors i want to take. damn. also the latter one is more expensive. i think i'll just go for it and double major in cybersecurity and game design so i have a "wow i can afford to live" skill and a "wow i engage in my hobbies and don't want to kms" skill. if that makes sense.

everything is so stressful rn but i just keep telling myself it'll all turn out okay in the end. i don't really believe that it will, i've never been an optimist, but that's all i can do rn. at least if i fuck it up i have a safety net but i'm worried about my friends that don't and i feel like a spoiled brat for the situation i'm in. life would be so awesome if i was just a housecat or a computer. i'd love to just be an android and i could shut off for a while and just come back when i feel ready. i don't know how much more of this i can take aaaaaaaaaa,, but as always we lock in. i'll fucking make it. i know i will because if i don't then i've done all of this for nothing. and i am going to make something of myself despite all of the things that try to stop me. people always say life is worth living, and i want to feel that too. determination yay!

screenshot of a twitter post by @_kass13kay that reads 'you're so strong' thanks i literally have no other fucking choice

to end on a lighter note, why is gender so ugh. i put a poll in a server with some friends and only 5 others understand what i'm getting at... real ones o7 i know this is contradictory so just bear with me here.

screenshot of a discord poll. the question is which would you rather be, and the options are androgynous in a boy way, androgynous in a girl way, and what the fuck are you talking about. the first two options have 3 votes each, and the last option has 7 votes

1-20-25

listening: liked songs on shuffle
feeling: numb ish

cw: politics talk

feeling very meh as the fuckwit of the century gets elected into office. like i know i feel bad about it but my brain is very good at muting my emotions so yay? upset about the whole "there are only two genders" bs which is major erasure of trans and intersex ppl, or just anyone who doesn't identify as m/f (duh). feeling hopeless as this country becomes a less and less safe place for me every day. it feels like if you gave the fuckwit a checklist of all the people he hates or think are useless to society, i fit a looooot of those boxes o-O not to mention the lapdog acting like he's part of the team saying "we are gonna make some changes" bitch who is we???? and his nazi shit

we will all survive, as we always have, but god i would love to live for once. make sure to make local connections and do what you can to make a difference in this world o7

1-17-25

listening: kpop listen together
feeling: not shit

soooooo. hear about the switch two yet? yes? great. anyway, here's my opinion on it like everyone and their mom hasn't already shared their thoughts.

initial impression: meh. it's the switch but souped up, about what i expected

concerns:

things that would make me actually buy it at launch (cause i'm not fuckin doing that my current switch is fine):

all of these things have weight to them, so just because one is true doesn't mean i'm immediately boarding the switch 2 train. ex: they make an exclusive splatoon game then i'm getting one asap vs they only put splatoon themed console out, i can get that later.

final verdict: doesn't look too bad, but since my current switch works (mostly) just fine and i don't have a job or a real reason to get a new switch, i won't be getting one for a while unless something absolutely bananas bonkers happens

1-1-25

listening: lamp
feeling: hopeful

happy new year everypony, goodbye 2014 hello 2015 x3
i feel about the same everyday, so i don't feel much different about the new year (except i'm really sleepy) but i'm anticipating my plans for the new year.

those plans are:

ok that's just a super long list of things i've mostly been planning to get to eventually (and some new things) but i hope those reading that are interested will stick around to see me accomplish what i can :3 cheers!